Had an interesting conversation with a distant-friend-now-good-friend today at Starbucks, of all places. Usually we catch up, roll through recent events in our lives, and then dating. Generally those convos gravitate towards this... [I improvised a bit too]
Y: "So, 'los. We seriously need to find you a good woman / girl to be with / etc."
Me: "Sounds great / awesome / fantastic /." - Look, people, I've answered this statement 2,013 times before.
Y: "Can I set you up with my friend / girl / co-worker / whatever?"
Me: "Yes, of course. Can you tell me about her?
Y: "Oh, she's blah, blah, blah."
Me: "So far, so good. What are you gonna say about me? How are you gonna sell me or pimp me out?
Y: "He's handsome, energetic, ambitious, blah, blah, blah."
Me: "Thank you, you're too kind. However, that being said what is my 'but'?"
Y: "What do you mean, 'but'?"
Me: "All singles have a 'but'. Why would we be single if we didn't? Example given, 'los is fantastic but then you insert the multitude of hangups or whatnot that you have with me, since you are the seller. So... I ask again what's my 'but'?"
Y: "Oh, that. Hm." They usually break eye contact with me 'cause it's usually a fundamental, fatal dating flaw that they just don't want to tell me. Except today! "You wanna know?"
Me: In the most sincerest voice I could muster. "Yes, please. I have enough yes-men, and sunshine blown up my ass to last me a lifetime."
Y: "How you want it?"
Me: "Both barrels, right between the eyes. No holds barred."
Y: She smiled in acceptance. "Ok, 'los. Here it is. 'los is great but he knows exactly what he wants. Or at least what he thinks he wants."
Me: "Fascinating. And knowing what I want is the issue?"
Y: "Oh and!"
Me: thinking, there's an "and"?
Y: "You haven't arrived to 'you', yet."
Me: "Excuse me? You sound like a Buddhist monk or at least a a cheesy fortune cookie."
Y: "You heard me. You haven't arrived to you, yet. And when you do, it'll make all the difference."
Me: Hm. Big Jake's words of advice are tumbling through my head, you try too hard. "Ya know, Y, I'm one of the most self-aware persons I know. I recognize my shortcomings, endeavor to fix them, and leverage every resource and every advantage I can."
Y: "That's exactly it, 'los. Love isn't a puzzle to solved, an equation to be done, an action plan to be executed with military precision. It just is."
Me: thinking, please on this cheese. If I hear this one more fucking ti...
Y: "'sides, you need to learn to trust again. And by trust I mean completely."
Me: still thinking, KABOOM BITCHES. "Trust?"
Y: "Yeah, you haven't had that ah-ha moment when you can trust the person you're looking at and be in love with too."
Me: thinking quickly, but that was my ah-ha moment..."Thank you, Y. You're right. Absolutely, right. I've gotta re-learn to love with trust. I can trust. And I can love. But I right now I can't love with trust."
So why the hell am I writing up all this played out conversation with the same underpinnings as before? 'cause I was challenged with something new today, finally. And I'm gonna challenge you the same. I need to learn to love with trust, but only after I've arrived to me.
This is particularly mind bending because, she's right. Love, relationships, etc isn't a static item I can dig towards and earn it or win it or obtain it or be rewarded with. It just is.
My challenge, you ask? I challenge you, if you're single / dating, to discover what your 'but' is in the most unabated, unadulterated truth and make that change. Yes, yes. There'll be yet another 'but' after that one, but at least you've discovered that much more about yourself. And that you'll be much closer to the 'you'.
This has been your C-Note. Good night, Spaceship Earth.
'los; out.
Y: "So, 'los. We seriously need to find you a good woman / girl to be with / etc."
Me: "Sounds great / awesome / fantastic /." - Look, people, I've answered this statement 2,013 times before.
Y: "Can I set you up with my friend / girl / co-worker / whatever?"
Me: "Yes, of course. Can you tell me about her?
Y: "Oh, she's blah, blah, blah."
Me: "So far, so good. What are you gonna say about me? How are you gonna sell me or pimp me out?
Y: "He's handsome, energetic, ambitious, blah, blah, blah."
Me: "Thank you, you're too kind. However, that being said what is my 'but'?"
Y: "What do you mean, 'but'?"
Me: "All singles have a 'but'. Why would we be single if we didn't? Example given, 'los is fantastic but then you insert the multitude of hangups or whatnot that you have with me, since you are the seller. So... I ask again what's my 'but'?"
Y: "Oh, that. Hm." They usually break eye contact with me 'cause it's usually a fundamental, fatal dating flaw that they just don't want to tell me. Except today! "You wanna know?"
Me: In the most sincerest voice I could muster. "Yes, please. I have enough yes-men, and sunshine blown up my ass to last me a lifetime."
Y: "How you want it?"
Me: "Both barrels, right between the eyes. No holds barred."
Y: She smiled in acceptance. "Ok, 'los. Here it is. 'los is great but he knows exactly what he wants. Or at least what he thinks he wants."
Me: "Fascinating. And knowing what I want is the issue?"
Y: "Oh and!"
Me: thinking, there's an "and"?
Y: "You haven't arrived to 'you', yet."
Me: "Excuse me? You sound like a Buddhist monk or at least a a cheesy fortune cookie."
Y: "You heard me. You haven't arrived to you, yet. And when you do, it'll make all the difference."
Me: Hm. Big Jake's words of advice are tumbling through my head, you try too hard. "Ya know, Y, I'm one of the most self-aware persons I know. I recognize my shortcomings, endeavor to fix them, and leverage every resource and every advantage I can."
Y: "That's exactly it, 'los. Love isn't a puzzle to solved, an equation to be done, an action plan to be executed with military precision. It just is."
Me: thinking, please on this cheese. If I hear this one more fucking ti...
Y: "'sides, you need to learn to trust again. And by trust I mean completely."
Me: still thinking, KABOOM BITCHES. "Trust?"
Y: "Yeah, you haven't had that ah-ha moment when you can trust the person you're looking at and be in love with too."
Me: thinking quickly, but that was my ah-ha moment..."Thank you, Y. You're right. Absolutely, right. I've gotta re-learn to love with trust. I can trust. And I can love. But I right now I can't love with trust."
So why the hell am I writing up all this played out conversation with the same underpinnings as before? 'cause I was challenged with something new today, finally. And I'm gonna challenge you the same. I need to learn to love with trust, but only after I've arrived to me.
This is particularly mind bending because, she's right. Love, relationships, etc isn't a static item I can dig towards and earn it or win it or obtain it or be rewarded with. It just is.
My challenge, you ask? I challenge you, if you're single / dating, to discover what your 'but' is in the most unabated, unadulterated truth and make that change. Yes, yes. There'll be yet another 'but' after that one, but at least you've discovered that much more about yourself. And that you'll be much closer to the 'you'.
This has been your C-Note. Good night, Spaceship Earth.
'los; out.
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