Let's Face It, Women Date Assholes

The signature chime of a received text message interrupted my myriad of thoughts. I read it casually. Then re-read several times from the illuminated screen of L.O.K.I. (my named iPhone) Four words that I've been needing to read.

Stop being so nice. 

You thought, it was "I love you, Carlos" or "Dreaming of you tonight"? Not even close, my friend. To be honest, I really did need to read that. I realize it was said in jest, but as Eminem rapped, "a lot of truth is said in jest".

*SIGH* I didn't want it to come to this. In my heart of hearts, this must happen. The nice guy I am while dating must die.

The girls I've dated (and will date) are not accustomed to nice guys. I mean seriously who the fuck shows up on the first couple of dates with flowers? Apparently, no one in the Seattle because the reactions wasn't what I was hoping for. "Aw, that's nice", to "you're too nice" from #CountryCutie and #Nashville for example. I was Friendzoned so fast that I even beat Usain Bolt to it.

The look in their eyes wasn't one of gratitude, but one of pity - "this poor bastard doesn't know how to date women like me." That's why they finish last.

Like I said, the nice guy inside me with his outdated dating techniques of chivalry, needs to be stabbed in his bleeding heart with a combat knife and then zoom his ass back to 1955 with Marty McFly in a Delorean.

I digress.

Even my female friends say I try "too hard" within the first couple dates. What they meant was I was too nice in the early stages. So I discussed this with my bros that I have seen their success in the dating scene.

Sure enough, (yes, you guessed it) they agreed, I'm too nice by being

• Thoughtful
• Considerate
• Kind
• Generous

That's just for starters! So what's my point?

If I'm declaring no more Mr Nice Guy, then what's next: Become a dating asshole.

Since I have ingrained in me good/nice guy DNA, I'll have to work doubly hard to becoming a full-fledged asshole.

After all y'all shook your head, or smacked yourself in the forehead, I'm sure y'all are gonna say, "Don't be an asshole, Los. You'll be more alone that you are now."

Proof I'm a good guy

Really? REALLY? Can you get any more alone than alone? No, is the answer. With 0 girlfriends, 0 dates, 0 prospects, I think it's a sound decision. What do I have to lose? Nothing. What do I have to gain? Everything!

I have a dozen previously posts about pissing and moaning about how I'm hopeless romantic, wear my heart on my sleeve, and these grand gestures of love.

All with the same results. Wanna know a fun fact? The clinical and societal accepted definition of crazy is repeating the same action expecting a different result.

So I'm crazy to boot. But not anymore ...


"OK, Google"...
The search parameter was "How to be an asshole", and below is what Google generated for me.

Fascinating, huh? The Thought Catalog was the first search result back, which was a blog post from a woman to women that you should date an asshole. By the way, love that blog! I'll get back to that in a minute.

In the meantime, and after thinking on it, there are several benefits to this course of action.

• My friends, feelings and heart will rejoice as they are no longer helping me picking pieces of my heart.
• Less thinking / planning / memorizing involved. 
• Less expensive as that's ties nicely with the above statement (see what I did there with nice? >.<
• Less expectations that are self-inflicted of them and myself.
• Less energy put into dates.

It was time to study up! I have read and re-read several times: How To Be an Asshole by Chase Amante. I'm not saying it's the definitive literature on the subject of How-To but the author practically wrote this article for me!

Chase:"If you've paid much attention to the men that women gravitate towards, they're pretty much all assholes.

Yeah, sure... deep down, they may actually be good guys. "An asshole with a heart of gold", for instance.

But, they're still assholes."

Wow. If that wasn't ripped straight outta on my mind lately, then nothing would be. Since my interest was piqued, I continued...

Chase: "If you yourself are not an asshole though, adopting some of the traits of a guy like this so you can be an asshole can seem like something of a mountain to climb... society keeps telling you not to, but women's obvious mate selections over and over again keep telling you differently." 

Well, preach, Chase!! Obviously, I'm hooked now especially after a reader's email was posted below the following ...

Chase: "I'm a big believer in being a genuine man - not a jerk.

But that doesn't stop women from calling me an asshole regardless.

"You're an asshole", when uttered by an attractive woman, can in fact mean several different things, depending on context and vocal inflection:

1. "You're an inconsiderate loser, whom I resent and despise"
2. "You're intriguingly challenging to control - my interest is piqued"
3. "I can't get you to do anything I want - and I am so turned on right now"

Those last two are the ones we're interested in in today's article."

Again, not the end-all-to-be-all but so dangerously like my dating life, I couldn't stop reading.

Chase: "However, it's important you be the right kind of asshole - or you can end up being a #1 instead of a #2 or a #3 (and actually, you very frequently WILL end up being a #1 when you're just trying on your asshole hat for the first time... sort of goes with the territory)."

That's fair. I didn't realize there were different types, but definitely wanna be number 2 or 3 or both!

WHY DO WOMEN LIKE ASSHOLES?

Chase: I probably don't have to tell you, if you're reading Girls Chase, that women don't really mean it when they loudly moan about assholes to whomever is paying attention: "Why can't I ever just find a nice guy?! ALL I ever meet are JERKS!" 

I thought, please tell me this cat has an idea ...

Chase: "... not any more than they mean it, anyway, when they say something like, "Oh, WHY does chocolate have to taste SO GOOD?! Why can't it just taste horrible, so I don't want to have it anymore?"

Of course, nice guys hear this and think, "A HA! Women don't like chocolate after all... well, I'll just go be Brussels sprouts, and they won't be able to keep their taste buds off of me!"

But this is taking those words at face value, instead of reading the subtext.

And the subtext here is, she meets plenty of nice guys... probably way more nice guys than she does jerks, in fact.

She just doesn't date those guys, is all. She dates the jerks instead.

A jerk or an asshole intrinsically has most of the traits that we know women find maddeningly, lustily appealing in a man."

Thank, Christ. I read on.

• He has epic amounts of pride, which research has established is the single most attractive male facial expression (as discussed in "A Devil May Care Attitude: What It Is & How to Get It"), and among the most attractive male traits overall
• He's selfish, dominant, decisive, and unapologetically goes for what he wants - all the qualities of a leader, and someone likely to be physically dominant as well - two other major attraction switches
• He makes it clear quite quickly that he doesn't need women, and is willing to walk away if he doesn't get his way - an indication of an abundance mentality, which itself is an indication of preselection, a major attraction trigger
• He moves fast with women, which keeps him hitting escalation windows and steers him far clear of thefriend zone, a place he more or less never has to worry about ending up in
• He's a natural user of sprezzatura and follower of the Law of Least Effort, simply because, again, he's selfish, and he's not going to work harder to do something he can accomplish with less work; nor is he going to second guess himself and race around trying to bend to other people's whims

He is, in other words, a walking sex symbol, sent straight from the pages of women's romance novels and out into the real world.

And, if you so choose, you can be just like him yourself, too."

I sure do wanna be this way, yes. 

NEVER GO FULL ASSHOLE

If you've seen Tropic Thunder, you doubtless remember Kirk Lazarus's actor's admonition to Chuck Speedman about never going full retard when playing the role of a mentally retarded person on screen.

Well, just like you never want to go full retard, you also never want to go full asshole.

FULL asshole is where you are SUCH a damn asshole that you're walking around ruining everybody's day around you just because.

Full asshole is when you're a dick for NO reason... just because you think that's what assholes do.

Yes, you will sometimes put a damper on someone's enthusiasm.

And sometimes you're going to be a dick.

But you want to have reasons behind your actions, and not be doing them out of spite, or for the fun of it. Doing that gets you labeled as that first kind of asshole we talked about above - not the sexy naughty one, but the despicable scumbag loser one instead.

Never go full asshole. Just go enough that you add some noticeable flair to your style.

Gotcha. Heed his caution - never go full asshole. Easy enough, as I'm not even an asshole... yet. 

Chase: "If you came from a thoughtful, considerate household, you were doubtless taught the value of politeness, decency, and kind-hearted goodness Michal mentions above in his comment.

I can relate... I learned all these things too. And they're certainly valuable in their own respects; being able to fit into society has its place."

As a matter of fact, I did. Ugh!

Chase: "However... these traits are more disadvantageous than not when it comes to sleeping with girls and getting phone numbers and going on dates. You're better off not having them than you are having them when it comes to these arenas.

Reason being? Politeness is what you use not to offend... it's what you use with your superiors."

Holy shit! A truth bomb just exploded in my head. There it was: the answer why nice, polite, good guys finish last. 

Chase: How much do you worry about being super polite to small children? Probably not much.

But when you're raised to be polite, you're raised to view almost everybody else as a superior in SOME respect - heck, you're even polite to homeless people... and may even feel obligated to give money if asked... because part of you feels like you HAVE to.

Part of you feels like you are the polite, yielding subordinate - and if asked, you must do.

And you even end up feeling this way with women.

And guess what? Women aren't interested in subordinates.

They want superiors.

And if you're being overly kind, considerate, and polite to them, they'll know right away that isn't you.

Ain't that some shit, Chase. #FML - been dating wrong from the start. But this only from the male perspective, and remember I said I'd get back to the female perspective? Here it is!

Angel Rodriguez: "We’re looking for an escape from the mundane, a respite from the usual. Our relationships are supposed to defy our boring workweeks and average nights in watching boring T.V. In reality though, there are perks to dating an asshole."

1. They Help Better Our Sex Lives.

2. You Don’t Have To Have “The Talk” With Them.

3. You’re Able To Focus On Yourself, Your Goals And Your Dreams.

4. They Help You See The Bigger Picture In Life.

My brain hurts from the absorption of these revelations. I'm super thankful that I don't have to buy a uniform such as Religion jeans, a Tap Out and/or Ed Hardy T-shirt, dress shoes and jacket. 

Next up? Asshole-In-Training. 

Now if I could ever figure out that "hanging out" dynamic... 

'los