Let’s Hangout, I’d Rather Date

Another dynamic I’ve discovered while socializing and dating is “hanging out”. You can call me old-fashioned or simply just old, but hanging out to me means to have fun with friends and/or family. Apparently, a new definition has surfaced, which I don’t like because it threatens the integrity of the dating institution. Whenever, I hear let’s hangout, I’d rather date instead.

I’ve heard my bro’s use it more often than my girl space friends, but they use it too!

I would inquire further with the person that used it.

Person X: “Yeah, I hung out with a her a few times.”

Me: “What exactly did you do?”

Person X: “We had dinner, some drinks, went back to her place and hooked up.”

Me: “Isn’t that the classic definition of dating?”

Person X: “No, just hanging out.”

Clearly, I’ve been out of the game too long. It’s probably because I have no game, and hide behind my self-defensive mechanism of Los Don’t Date (L.D.D.) – there’s even video!

Don’t get me wrong, I want to date or hell if it’s only hanging out, so be it. I’m terrible at it.

It’s probably because I don’t abide by these crucial differences that I’ve snipered from Thought Catalog. So there’s a “hanging out”, “dating”, and finally “Me” commenting on the dynamic.

Ahhh, romance! The wonderfully complicated world of dating, or as Larry David once summed it up in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.” I jest, because dating can actually be one of the best things in the world. But unfortunately, we live in a time of uncertainty and being afraid to ask for clarification, so dating and “hanging out” are becoming one in the same. But here’s the catch: they are COMPLETELY different beasts, so make sure you understand which one you’re falling into.

Exclusivity

Hanging out: Um, nonexistent. You could technically hang out with anyone…or anything. You could hang out with Netflix, your dog, strangers you’re forced to stand in awkward, elevator silence with. There’s nothing special about it.

Dating: You might be fully committed to one another, or both still keeping it open. But you’ve likely at least discussed it, and some sort of decision has been made.

Me: Again, I’m a hopeless, old-fashioned romantic that’ll die this way, but still… one can only hope that dates mean something, and that as an institution won’t be toppled. 

Level of effort

Hanging out: Maybe they’ll clean up their room for you the first few times or let you pick the movie. You’re sort of just coasting along. It’s not bad, but not amazing. Just kind of existing, like Blake Lively.

Dating: It’s pretty high. I’m not saying this means caviar infused lobster tails every night, but you’re both trying. Maybe it’s something as simple as offering to drive to them because they had a really long day at work, or they remember your favorite show is on that night and ask if you want to watch. When you’re actually dating, you go the extra mile.

Me: Maybe it’s my mantra, my mentality, or my tattoo but regardless of number of dates, I want to be show-time ready EVERY TIME. Who knows you’ll encounter, or who else might see you but I’d like to think this is the best version of myself I can represent myself with. I’m NOT saying you should care what others think of you. I’m saying if you’ve cleaned up, nice threads, shaved, etc, and you’re feeling sexy, and camera-ready … it’s easily read on your face.

Being introduced

Hanging out: “Oh…yeah, this is my…friend.”

Dating: One of two things will happen: 1) This is my girlfriend/boyfriend (eeee!!) or if you haven’t quite gotten there yet, 2) This is *insert your name*

Me: Introductions are easy to me, it’s the labels / titles that trip me up. Yes, I want a girlfriend but not the expense of self-worth.

Activities you do together

Hanging out: Generally nothing that really requires too much commitment or planning. Maaaybe a bar every now and then. But if you’re mostly getting, “ayy, come over” texts, the person you are talking to just wants to “hang out.”

Dating: Stuff. You actually go outside into society and do STUFF. It’s not even about the actual thing you’re doing (seeing a movie, dinners, hikes, etc), but the experience of doing it TOGETHER, and then having that further cement your bond.

Me: I usually do one better by engaging the girl in conversation, whether on the phone or face-to-face to tailor plan the first date and subsequent dates to “us”.

Expectations

Hanging out: None. This doesn’t mean you won’t have them, but remember, you’re just hanging out. Nothing has been promised, so you can’t expect otherwise.

Dating: Whatever ground rules you’ve established. Whether this is honesty, carving out time to spend together, or being monogamous- these things have at least been discussed, or will be soon.

Me: Well, Jesus Christ, are we doing this or not? A man of my activity level, I’ve got zero patience or tolerance for drama, head games, and indecision.

Level of security

Hanging out: Again, none. When you’re just “hanging out” with someone you really like, it can drive you a little nuts. You start interpreting the choice words they use, analyzing text messages. WHAT DOES THIS EMOJI MEAN?!?!??! EGGPLANT?! WHAT? You constantly feel like Taylor Swift in this scenario, like just tell me, are we out of the woods yet?

Dating: This is dependent on the individual relationship, I get that, but hopefully you feel comfortable and secure with your boothang. You don’t NEED to interpret signs in everything your partner says because you just trust them. There’s no greater feeling than that.

Me: All want is a level of commitment from a girl. Too much to ask for in the Pacific Northwest.

I recently met a girl. Thankfully, she’s a transplant from somewhere else. It was refreshing interacting with her. She’s a pretty Midwest girl I was casually introduced to. Sadly, I never had a date with her. And no, we didn’t hang out either.

She offered up some solace, though.

In the end, I’m a nice guy, which nice guys finish last without dates. As always, my heart was broken. It’s been put back together with bailing wire, duct tape, Gorilla glue, and chewing gum more often than I care to share.

At least she didn’t #ghostme like the last girl did three months ago.

So it leaves me wondering a question for Seattle, the US, and the entirety of Spaceship Earth.

Would you rather love and lose, than never to love at all? You obviously know my answer, so comment below.

If you’ll excuse me, but I’ll return to working on my home, and body to prepare for the arrival of Mrs. Right (if there’s even one!!) that I can actually date instead of hanging out with her. That dynamic has it's merits, I'm sure but I won't recognize it. 

Until next week when I drop, be good like you should and if you can’t be good, be good at what you do!

Mic drop bOoM

‘los; out