Skip to main content

Frenemy of Mine

Thank you Urban Dictionary for providing the perfect word for me to use. Frenemy is an enemy disguised as a friend. We all have one, if not more, and I'm no exception. The frenemy of mine is Icy Hot Cream.

That's right, you read that right.

On my 29th birthday, I chucked a spaz because once I compared myself to others in the same and even older age group, I realized I wasn't psychically fit at all. As I was barreling into my 30's, I was overweighted, and not active.

So I found a personal trainer (PT), and decided to do the work necessary. Unfortunately, the transition was brutal. My PT, Big Kenny, recommended Icy Hot for my achy muscles. They were so sore I could barely move without grunting but I wasn't complaining. I applied so much on a daily basis the office joked it was my new cologne. They knew when I worked out with my PT because the smell was so pungent that as I passed the plastic office plants they would wilt.

One of the days of this routine was "leg day", a day most people dread. This day's regime was particularly rough. After my shower, and musking up for the day, I applied Icy Hot all over my legs as usual. Then I donned my Costco Travel "uniform" - khaki pants, brown shoes, matching belt, and light blue shirt.

I felt the Icy Hot warming up my muscles to my relief. Then?

Suddenly, a thousand razor sharp kitten claws were stabbing my genitals! Sweet Jeezus, there's molten lava on my boys!! Thankfully I was still in the locker room, so I immediately strip down and raced back into the shower.

Rinse, rinse, repeat. Rinse, rinse, repeat.

SIGH. Crisis contained. I redressed. What the fuck happened, I thought? I looked at the warning label as most men do after a disaster and unfavorable results (read that as the instructions too)

I reviewed what I did only to realize when it went all wrong. I applied Icy Hot on the inside of my thighs first then slipped on my clothing which meant a grip of the applied Icy Hot got on my boxer briefs therefore were in contact with my family jewels.

It was the scene out of Revenge of the Nerds all over again.

Medicine FAIL! UGH, thanks frenemy of mine: Icy Hot Cream. Use with caution!

This has been my C Note.
'los; out


Popular posts from this blog

Manic Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, and Finally Friday

What a roller coaster week I have had! To start off the week was a manic Monday. After work on Monday, I did a WinCo run with WCP. Always entertaining.

Tuesday was terrible. Started off by being tardy for work, so I treated myself to Tully's before posting up. And... in my experience, when you start off a day like that, any attempt to speed up or make up that half-step, half-tick, never happens. For inexplicable reason, you are now out-of-step with the Universe, and like fucking hell you're gonna make it back up.

Never. Fails.

I was late to meetings, I was late to a gym class I'm regularly early for, and the list goes on. In fact, I decided on that day instead of seeking out my dream girl of a svelte body, superior intelligence, endless energy, and with a litany of characteristics to make any fairy godmother proud I made the wide-sweeping declaration that I wanted this instead.

A 2-ton, yoga pants wearing, 45 year old, bitter, divorcee that is one more named cat from crazy…

Timing Is Everything

WCP posted on her Facebook Wall a link to a blogger named Heidi Priebe and her Thought Catalog. Charrina has a tendency to follow the same guidelines that I do … 1) revelance – to me, the situation, or time 2) thought provoking for myself and/or others 3) is it progressive – will it help anyone including myself.
After reviewing it, and overanalyzing it, I am writing about it now. I comment after a paragraph or two, so the notation is HP = Heidi Priebe, CB = Carlos Bayne (yours truly)
The Truth About Meeting Someone At The Wrong Time By Heidi Priebe
HP: Timing is something that none of us can seem to get quite right with relationships. We meet the person of our dreams the month before they leave to go study abroad. We form an incredibly close friendship with an attractive person who is already taken. One relationship ends because our partner isn’t ready to get serious and another ends because they’re getting serious too soon. CB:  Tragically, I relate to all of that!
HP: “It would be per…

My First Use of Creatine: No Xplode, My Ass!

Happy New Year! We said goodbye to 2017, and welcomed 2018 with open arms and New Year's Resolutions. One of which invariably is hitting the gym. Y'all read my misadventures at a gym such as the Icy Hot Incident, Been Caught Kaepernicking, and etc. I haven't told the following story about my first use of creatine.

If you're reading this while drinking, eating, or an area that would not be appropriate to be laughing out loud - I highly recommend you cease those activities and find some privacy.
My First Use of Creatine Before my 30th birthday, I had meltdown. Many of my friends who were 30 + were in the best shape of their lives, and here I was, in the wrong shape of my life - and I knew it doesn't improve by itself. I talked about my fitness goals, and someone who knew me, pointed me to her brother. I called him, Big Kenny, the Personal Trainer. This man completely changed my working information about personal fitness, nutrition, supplements including my first use …