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Wrong Pappa, Yo!

I blame the Sounders for this fine mess. In the end, I'll accept responsibility, but hear me out first. It's no secret that the Sounders season thus far has been sub-par. So last night's thrashing of FC Dallas was welcomed event. Sidebar: The FC Dallas Head Coach is an arrogant bastard for not loading up his 5 best players to 'rest' them. He figured he could win in our house with his 2nd rate assclowns. Glad to send them packing with an embarrassing 5-nil loss.

I digress.

Several corporate sponsors offer fans great promotions when the Sounders win. If the Sounders score three goals, Great Clips offers a free haircut. If the Sounders shut out an opponent at a home match, Papa Murphy's will offer a free a large, one-topping pizza.

As soon as the neon lights of the large screen flashed "Sounders Win!", I was dead-set on redeeming that pizza. In fact, it was MY DAMN PIZZA. I even told WCP, my seatmates, and a couple of coworkers I was gonna collect it after work today because the offer expires after one day of the match.

In my mind, Papa John's was the pizza place that could deliver to my new home, Bastion of Bayne. I even looked up the nearest Papa John's in Lake Stevens. There's one located a mere mile away.

Perfect, I thought. I'll bomb home, order the pizza, and I can continue the computer work I need to do. So I bomb home, and take a look at the Sounders app for the promotional details. "Redemption must be done in-person, not online or the phone." Aiight, small setback. I'll just get the pie, and return home.

I drive to the Papa John's. I practically strut into the open store. A young attended to me. She asked if I called in, or ordering...

Me: "Yes, I'd like to redeem a coupon."
Girl: "Ok, what kinda coupon."
Me: "The app states that the Papa Murphy's employee inputs ..." I let the words trail off as we both realize I'm at the wrong company. I interrupt myself, "Have a good night, miss."

Google Maps gets me to the nearest Papa Murphy's which is less than a mile away. The store closes at 9:00 p.m. My car clock has 8:55 p.m. on it. Fantastic. I zip into there, redeem my coupon, and walk out triumphantly with my pepperoni pizza. I call WCP right away.


WCP answered: "Yo, big bro."
I grit: "I got my damn pizza. You home? You eat dinner, yet?"
WCP is amused: "I was wondering with g-money when you were gonna work out that it's Papa Murphy's, not Papa Johns, and exactly how you were gonna cook up that pizza without a stove."
I huff: "Real funny, WCP. Just warm up the damn oven at the Crash Pad, and I'll be there in a few."

After I smashed on a couple pieces of pizza, WCP asks, "So? How's your free pizza?"
I swallow another bite, "Fucking fantastic. Free pizza tastes magical!"

Life lesson learned? Read the damn fine print for terms and conditions. Always!

'los; out.
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