In an unusual fallout of my most recent failed dating experience, I've received unsolicited dating advice. It was prefaced with, "I hope you don't get mad, but would you like my opinion on the matter?" I'm surprised, because I've viewed myself as a type of person that wouldn't be upset for expressing your opinion.
Then again, I keep seeing this postings on social media websites:
So, I can understand why the preface. The message that became clear to me was, "you're too nice / too much / too lavish, too soon - leave them wanting more".
Aiight, I understand the sentiment there. You set the "bar" too high, and too quick, you'll have no room for improvement. Then again, if you don't set it high enough, you won't have another chance to improve it.
What's a guy to do? I'll tell ya: be yourself.
And being myself is to be open to the experience, to be inspired by love, to love as if my heart hasn't been shattered and put together with duct tape, chewing gum, Gorilla glue, and bailing wire, and be fearless with my feelings.
That means, I like giving gifts to the woman I'm dating. It means I don't have a filter on my mouth or thoughts.
Why, you cry?
Because! Because for the right woman, my gifts are not too much. In fact, they are accepted, and they'll be grateful for them. Hell, she might even want more! Oh, and my honesty? It wouldn't be threatening, or upsetting. In fact, for the right woman it would be comforting and a refreshing change in the Seattle dating scene.
I digress.
I've already posted about the above. I wanted to address a recent development in dating: ghosting.
I didn't need a scientific study to tell me this!
Yet, here's two articles on how to ghost from the girl and guy perspective.
How To Ghost:
A Girl's Guide To Ghosting - I'm entirely sure if it's a true blue or a satire!
Guy's Guide To Ghosting - Gawd, I hope it is, but my gut tells me it's a how-to
Here's article after article I've read of other's trying to cope with being ghosted:
Why Ghosting Hurts So Much
And lastly, here's an article that best summarized my thoughts on ghosting:
The Psychology of Ghosting: Why People Do It AND a Better Way of Breaking Up
I've concluded that it's 2016 version of cheating. Or rather in addition to cheating, now there's ghosting. The reason is in all those aforementioned articles, they address being ghosted, and ghosting someone, and that if you've been ghosted that the likelihood you'll do it is fairly high.
HM. Most of my ex's cheated on me, and yet, I haven't done it in retaliation. And because I've been ghosted for the first time (let's be honest, it won't be the LAST!) doesn't mean I'll do it the next time I have the opportunity.
Why, you ask?
I'll tell you why, I can't. Or rather I won't. My character DNA has integrity that prevents ghosting. Sounds holier-than-thou, doesn't it? Only to the person(s) that avoid confrontation, and are passive-aggressive.
Let me explain. I was raised and it's been reinforced positively that communicating all feelings (good or bad), and having the difficult conversation with the person, ultimately is the best way to break up with someone.
And having been on the receiving end more often than the giving end - it's still preferred! At least, I know how to cope, move forward, understand your intentions, and most of all, have closure. Is it a pleasant experience? Um, hell no. Feels like being punched in the gut, and having your heart ripped out through the gaping hole - regardless if you're the breakup-ee or breakup-er.
But ghosting someone, ghosting me, tells me so much more about your character and integrity than my entire experience with you. You have zero integrity, and have been practicing avoidance for quite some time. Or worse yet, you've been ghosted, and decided the next person would be on the receiving end this time!
I laughed. In fact, when I re-tell my story, I still laugh. Because I am left thinking what you were thinking.
All of these questions are ridiculous, because you clearly didn't "get to know to me" if you thought "yes" was the answer to these. That's why I laugh. I cultivate open communication in my relationships whether it's good or bad, and to reinforce it, I actively listen with patience, understanding, and love.
Granted, it may not what I want to hear (who on Spaceship Earth wants to hear this isn't working?), but I do listen.
I credit my dad for teaching me integrity, and transparency in my transactions with girls and matters of the heart.
"Son, if you're gonna break a girl's heart then do it face-to-face if at all possible. Telephone, if you must, or by letter, but by God, be straight-forward. Be kind, be patient. What goes around comes around - karma will bite you, if you bite first. It'll be terrible, like a knot in your stomach but face the music sooner than later. Ok?"
Oh, here's further proof of why I won't ghost.
As most of my bro's will ask before reading this post is - what's your point and are you gonna get there anytime soon? My point is this: the more we endorse this ghosting behavior, the more toxic the dating pool will be, and to the point where we avoid even good feelings!
And my tact about matters of the heart and feelings will be viewed as subtle as a 10 lb sledgehammer being dropped onto a glass table.
This has been my C Note.
'los; out
Then again, I keep seeing this postings on social media websites:
Aiight, I understand the sentiment there. You set the "bar" too high, and too quick, you'll have no room for improvement. Then again, if you don't set it high enough, you won't have another chance to improve it.
What's a guy to do? I'll tell ya: be yourself.
And being myself is to be open to the experience, to be inspired by love, to love as if my heart hasn't been shattered and put together with duct tape, chewing gum, Gorilla glue, and bailing wire, and be fearless with my feelings.
That means, I like giving gifts to the woman I'm dating. It means I don't have a filter on my mouth or thoughts.
Why, you cry?
Because! Because for the right woman, my gifts are not too much. In fact, they are accepted, and they'll be grateful for them. Hell, she might even want more! Oh, and my honesty? It wouldn't be threatening, or upsetting. In fact, for the right woman it would be comforting and a refreshing change in the Seattle dating scene.
I digress.
I've already posted about the above. I wanted to address a recent development in dating: ghosting.
Yet, here's two articles on how to ghost from the girl and guy perspective.
How To Ghost:
A Girl's Guide To Ghosting - I'm entirely sure if it's a true blue or a satire!
Guy's Guide To Ghosting - Gawd, I hope it is, but my gut tells me it's a how-to
Here's article after article I've read of other's trying to cope with being ghosted:
Why Ghosting Hurts So Much
And lastly, here's an article that best summarized my thoughts on ghosting:
The Psychology of Ghosting: Why People Do It AND a Better Way of Breaking Up
I've concluded that it's 2016 version of cheating. Or rather in addition to cheating, now there's ghosting. The reason is in all those aforementioned articles, they address being ghosted, and ghosting someone, and that if you've been ghosted that the likelihood you'll do it is fairly high.
HM. Most of my ex's cheated on me, and yet, I haven't done it in retaliation. And because I've been ghosted for the first time (let's be honest, it won't be the LAST!) doesn't mean I'll do it the next time I have the opportunity.
Why, you ask?
I'll tell you why, I can't. Or rather I won't. My character DNA has integrity that prevents ghosting. Sounds holier-than-thou, doesn't it? Only to the person(s) that avoid confrontation, and are passive-aggressive.
Let me explain. I was raised and it's been reinforced positively that communicating all feelings (good or bad), and having the difficult conversation with the person, ultimately is the best way to break up with someone.
And having been on the receiving end more often than the giving end - it's still preferred! At least, I know how to cope, move forward, understand your intentions, and most of all, have closure. Is it a pleasant experience? Um, hell no. Feels like being punched in the gut, and having your heart ripped out through the gaping hole - regardless if you're the breakup-ee or breakup-er.
But ghosting someone, ghosting me, tells me so much more about your character and integrity than my entire experience with you. You have zero integrity, and have been practicing avoidance for quite some time. Or worse yet, you've been ghosted, and decided the next person would be on the receiving end this time!
I laughed. In fact, when I re-tell my story, I still laugh. Because I am left thinking what you were thinking.
- Did you think I would be upset for your honesty?
- Did you think I would respond violently?
- Did you think I would desperately attempt to keep the relationship at all costs?
All of these questions are ridiculous, because you clearly didn't "get to know to me" if you thought "yes" was the answer to these. That's why I laugh. I cultivate open communication in my relationships whether it's good or bad, and to reinforce it, I actively listen with patience, understanding, and love.
Granted, it may not what I want to hear (who on Spaceship Earth wants to hear this isn't working?), but I do listen.
I credit my dad for teaching me integrity, and transparency in my transactions with girls and matters of the heart.
"Son, if you're gonna break a girl's heart then do it face-to-face if at all possible. Telephone, if you must, or by letter, but by God, be straight-forward. Be kind, be patient. What goes around comes around - karma will bite you, if you bite first. It'll be terrible, like a knot in your stomach but face the music sooner than later. Ok?"
Oh, here's further proof of why I won't ghost.
As most of my bro's will ask before reading this post is - what's your point and are you gonna get there anytime soon? My point is this: the more we endorse this ghosting behavior, the more toxic the dating pool will be, and to the point where we avoid even good feelings!
And my tact about matters of the heart and feelings will be viewed as subtle as a 10 lb sledgehammer being dropped onto a glass table.
This has been my C Note.
'los; out
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