Skip to main content

Bachelor Bayne

So... yesterday was the day! My first casting call for a TV show. Not just any TV show, but the Bachelor and Bachelorette. I blame Mama C, totally her fault. You see she wanted to watch the season premiere of The Bachelorette while making lumpia with us oh-so-long-ago on Memorial Day. Then she suggested I audition for the show. Ridiculous! Ironically, an open casting call was posted on their website for the Seattle area in two weeks.

Fan-fucking-tastic 0_o

In order to prepare, I thought I needed printed headshots plus the application that I downloaded to faithfully filled out. I asked her to take the photos since self portraits are awkward. I dressed up for these photos.

I knew that every players there would dress up nicely in the fashion the Pacific Northwest. Designer jeans, an American Eagle T-shirt, sports jacket and dress shoes. Toss on some bling, and cologne and viola! Candidate central. Hm. I wouldn't be able to stand out in a crowd like that, even with spiky hair and beaming personality.

*SIGH* I digress.

I roll up early to the site with shorts that I've received mad props for, Hard Rock T-shirt, bling, and more. I scored Rockstar parking in front of the Pan Pacific Hotel for a maximum of 4 hours. [People. Please bear in mind in the Seattle the standard is only 2] Thinking, "Deep breathe, 'los. Just do this thing, and it'll be over soon. Be yourself. Relax. Turn on the Carlos Charm that you're known for. Look out Spaceship Earth! 'los with the most is coming in, and he's coming in hot! GAME ON, BITCHES."

I exit my vehicle, aka The Sapphire Sled.

I casually stroll to and through the Pan Pacific Hotel while following the many signs posted for the casting call. Tristan, the KOMO 4 News Weatherman, checks me in by jotting down my personal information. He advises I have about 30 minutes to kill before it starts. Perfect! Just the way I like it, I'm on the scene, ready to rock, and I can relax with a cup o' java joy at the Starbucks next door.

Invariably, everyone else will be there too. I'll survey the competition because now that it's GAME ON this has changed from an slight-obligation to full blown goal. With my Americano in hand, I post up outside with the only available seat, next to a gorgeous couple talking about work. I spied the paperwork on their bistro-sized table. The application for the TV show. Once the breezy bounces to collect their drinks, I ask the player subtly if he's done this before...
Me: "I'm Carlos. This is my first time doing this. What's your name?" Hand outstretched.
Jose: After accepting it "I'm Jose, I work for 92.5 Moving the radio station. Heard of it?"
Me: "Sure have. You here to interview the candidates and hopefuls then?"
Jose: "That and apply myself. Oh and my co-worker too."

This continues for a grip. Before we roll out, we've agree to do an interview afterward.

[Later on]

After a wait, they call me up for photos. No need for the headshots that I'm armed with, because they'll take their own. The girl had a set of poses she needed. Mug shot with my name etc on a dry erase board, and more. Then she says, "Do something different now." I switched legs, crossed my arms, flashed her my smile and barked out, "BAM!"

She smiled, click, and utters, "Nice."

Tristan leads me down a non-descript hallways outside of a break out room and advises me to wait for the casting director. Thinking, "Oh my god. I'm waiting for the good doctor to see me now. I can only imagine our conversation..." Right as I was drumming up ill-fated answers to questions I dreamt up the door opens.

Jacob would like to see me now. After reviewing my paperwork, settling in behind the table with a video camera aimed at the chair, he asked his template questions. Who am I, where do I work, why I want to be on the show, etc. I answer the only way I can. So if you know me, then you know those answers were entertaining to say the least - regardless of that camera or not. Once done, he explains the gig. IF the casting director wants more s/he will contact me sometime in the first two weeks of July. Don't call us, we'll call you, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

PHEW! I'm done. I've done all I can. Hollywood takes over. Now once the first two weeks of July slip by with my mundane life, I can tell everyone - they didn't pick me. Time for my radio interview...

[Later on]

I have more time to kill so I post up on the sun deck attached to the audition area. An open chair is available with three lovely ladies soaking in the sun. Awesome. I invite myself to sit down, they don't protest. All of them are super cute! I ask Captain Obvious like questions.

When's your interview?
Did you like your photos?
Why do you wanna be on the show?

None, nada, zilch. They are moral support and cheerleaders for their male friend, Carrie. Perfect! I'll entertain them with my storytelling. I discover that the cutest of the Three Musketeers has a girlfriend, and she was next to her. DAMN! And the one left was married - double damn, why I don't I do handchecks anymore?

I finish off our time together with the Michelin Man story to answer their question, "Tell us your most train wreck-y first date."

[Jose calls]

He's ready for my interview. I roll back down to the Starbucks where we first met. Sound familiar? Once again the only outdoor seating is next to two Seattle Police Officers that seemingly has a force field around them. No one is even near them. So I plop down next to them, intro myself and strike up a convo with them. After we exchange pleasantries, Officer Bobby offers me his coconut water. He doesn't want it. Quickly, Jose and Leitya arrive with their recording gear. I thank Officer Bobby for the drink but peace out, I've got an interview.

Leitya is so damn hot, that I'm actually nervous for this interview. I focus on entertaining answers, cupcaking with her and try to figure if she's single or not. Of course, she's not, but I concentrate on flirting then I won't do and say train wreck-y things. They mention that if they use any of the material at all it'll be on the Monday morning broadcast at 8am. Don't call us, we'll call... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

[I sky up]

A driver was attempting for find parking. His lucky day because I gifted him my two hours left of paid parking in front of the hotel. Pay it forward, right? 'sides, nice guys finish last but at least we finish!

This has been your C Note! 'los; out.

PS - If you want to hear the interview, tune into The NEW MOVin 92.5 at 8am Monday. Or click on http://movin925.com/. They might post it to their podcast on Tuesday.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Manic Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, and Finally Friday

What a roller coaster week I have had! To start off the week was a manic Monday. After work on Monday , I did a WinCo run with WCP. Always entertaining. Tuesday was terrible. Started off by being tardy for work, so I treated myself to Tully's before posting up. And... in my experience, when you start off a day like that, any attempt to speed up or make up that half-step, half-tick, never happens. For inexplicable reason, you are now out-of-step with the Universe, and like fucking hell you're gonna make it back up. Never. Fails. I was late to meetings, I was late to a gym class I'm regularly early for, and the list goes on. In fact, I decided on that day instead of seeking out my dream girl of a svelte body, superior intelligence, endless energy, and with a litany of characteristics to make any fairy godmother proud I made the wide-sweeping declaration that I wanted this instead. A 2-ton, yoga pants wearing, 45 year old, bitter, divorcee that is one more named cat f

Thank You!

Thank you for reading my posts on this blog. However, I've managed to purchase my own domain to make my own posts and hopefully... y'all will follow it over there for your Weekly Dose of Los! www.carlosbayne.com 'los; out

Let's Dance

The other week, I was driving to my 2 nd job at Malarky’s Sports Grill. Wednesday to be exact. I noticed a man standing at a bus sign waiting for a bus. I recognized the man right away. It was Kenny, The Dancing Wild Man of Factoria. It’d been a minute since I’ve seen him on the streets of Issaquah, I was growing concerned that something awful happened to him. I was thankful to find him once again, and within the same area I “met” him the first time… hilarious story. I remember distinctively. It was my first summer I spent in Issaquah. The sun was out, so relatively warm. I was bombing around in the Sapphire Sled [an arctic blue, 2004 Acura RSX Type S] with the windows down, the tunes up. I was stopped at the traffic light on the corner of Front Street and NW Gilman Blvd; the busiest intersection. From out-the-cuts, I heard someone screaming! I pull off my shades immediately. I whip my head around trying to seek out the source of the noise. I turn down the radio as I desper