Christmas - My Only Wish

RE: C Note(s) Christmas - My Only Wish

Hey Mom,

I only have one wish for Christmas this year. To love Christmas as much as you did, and for the same reasons.

I’m confident I know why you loved the Christmastime so much when you were with us. Speaking of ‘with us’, can you believe that it’s been 17 years since your soul has been upgraded to another plane of existence? I’ll digress briefly on this tangent but I’ll get back on point soon.

I remember the first Christmas you were not with us, because you had left days before. The feeling of sadness hovered over us as we struggled with our individual feelings of loss, in addition to the group vibe. I was still shell-shocked that my brain didn’t process that you were gone. I fulfilled the role of Santa Claus by passing out the small amount of gifts under the plastic Christmas tree that we would put up every year.

For the years that followed, I upheld all the Bayne Christmas traditions. I started playing music on December 1^st, and kept playing until December 31^st. I continued to watch my Die Hard and Die Hard 2 movies within the month of December.

However, my Christmas spirit disappeared with your departure. And with that disappearance, I was left to grind on the question, why do you love this time of year? My experience has been overshadowed with your death, the general populace being uncharacteristically mean / aggressive, and completely missing the point of the holiday spirit.

Each year my answer to myself would be slightly different by – some years I would be happy enough to send out Christmas cards, purchase gifts, and enjoying Christmastime events. Some years I try hard to be recluse, no mention of Christmas, or even listened to Christmas music.

Again, I digress.

This year I finally figured why you loved Christmas so much. And no, not because you were born and raised Catholic, either. I remembered every year you would have me crawl into the attic to drag down the tree, and decorations on the weekend of Thanksgiving – many of which you made yourself. You would start the Christmas music while we decorated. All very pleasant, but I didn’t realize or understanding the underpinnings here.

The reason why you loved Christmas so much was the potential for each and everyone one of us to be their best version of ourselves! In fact, it was so you could showcase your best version of yourself and carry that throughout the new year. This year I’ve been shown by three ladies that still embrace the Christmas spirit. They’ve show me that I can, too, be filled with it.

So that’s my only wish for Christmas this year: to love Christmas as much as I have before you left.

This has been my C Note.

‘los; out.

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