HM. Here's a fun fact. In the 9 year history of this blog, I've posted 112 times. Of those, 13 of them are of love, dating, and/or relationships. That's about 11%, folks. Since April I haven't posted about any of this, I'm overdue.
Mark V [my 5th named iPod] randomly played Theory of a Deadman's, "Bad Girlfriend". I absolutely love it, much to the ire of my friends and family. All on the cusp of my wedding DJ gig this upcoming weekend.
I'm not a fan of dating, but alas a necessary evil, in order to find what I'm looking for. Honestly, I don't think I'm very good at romantic relationships. Even with a 'starter marriage', on my life's resume, plus relationships after I've healed... still not ready, or good at it. One would purpose that I am awesome at it.
I've been dating since my divorce in 2008. Have had a few relationships since then, none of which were tenable. All while my friends are doing the same. Some get married, divorced, married again, and others remain unmarried but have significant others. The cynicism in me starts to boil then boil over. I observe time and time again. An exclusive relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend, only to learn that one or both are 'cheating' on each other. Or worse, married and they are both cheating on each other.
WTF? Why continue together? It's like a damaged spaceship drifting lifeless through the endless void of space.
Oh, add in a nasty custody battle over the kids and it's a recipe for me to never speak to anyone about anything... But that's not what happens, obviously. I keep digging. Digging along singing a song, the song may change but the digging ain't WRONG!
Or so I tell myself this.
Currently I'm dating another divorcee. And one that's NOT my 'SOP', either. Then again, that's probably the reason why it's working, and pleasantly at that. Not younger than me, and has children. Those were my 'filters' in my search criteria which wasn't yielding any results that I was seeking out.
I changed that, and KA-BOOM. There she was. No names yet, as not everyone in my circle has been introduced and I'm not completely ready to announce something this important to me. Please rest assured is pacing toward something awesome. So far, so good as far as the outlook too.
Last night was a test for me... ugh. And why I don't think I can be successful at this relationship ISH. A grip of background information. I text what I thought was a seemingly simple question of, whatcha up to?
Well... the typical response time for us within minutes (up to 30) unless of course we're at work or actively engaged in an activity. Prior to asking to be exclusive, I would motor about my time, not caring when or how she replied.
The cynic in me started talking to myself by saying, "You know why she's not replying, right? She's off with another guy. And your unread text sits on her phone in her purse."
I bat it away, "No. She's busy person, just like me. How many times have I not replied for HOURS - it's only because I'm actively engaged with some activity. Chill, Carlito."
"Oh, yeah, she's active alright!"
"BOO. Why are saying this evil and dumb $H!T? Why? Because I'm damaged goods filled with mistrust, and hurt. What the hell does this lady see in me anyways?"
Carlito says, "Exactly, bro. You are barreling off to failure, hurt feelings and another broken heart, thus breaking your promise."
I had to stop thinking, and do something to take my mind off plus not leave me alone with my crazy ass thoughts: karaoke, it is! At this point, if you're still reading this, you would say why didn't you call a friend?
I didn't because I need to settle this. By myself, for myself. Took a deep breath, said WOOSAW, and bounced. She eventually texted and even called later in the night.
All's well that ends well, right? Wrong. The cynic in me predicts that possessive nature, and 'crazy' will ultimately ruin this beautiful thing we've started.
You know what I rebuttal with? [Wait for it] Keep digging, 'los, you two will be just fine.
This has been my C Note to myself that I decided to share with... the world.
'los; out
Mark V [my 5th named iPod] randomly played Theory of a Deadman's, "Bad Girlfriend". I absolutely love it, much to the ire of my friends and family. All on the cusp of my wedding DJ gig this upcoming weekend.
I'm not a fan of dating, but alas a necessary evil, in order to find what I'm looking for. Honestly, I don't think I'm very good at romantic relationships. Even with a 'starter marriage', on my life's resume, plus relationships after I've healed... still not ready, or good at it. One would purpose that I am awesome at it.
I've been dating since my divorce in 2008. Have had a few relationships since then, none of which were tenable. All while my friends are doing the same. Some get married, divorced, married again, and others remain unmarried but have significant others. The cynicism in me starts to boil then boil over. I observe time and time again. An exclusive relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend, only to learn that one or both are 'cheating' on each other. Or worse, married and they are both cheating on each other.
WTF? Why continue together? It's like a damaged spaceship drifting lifeless through the endless void of space.
Oh, add in a nasty custody battle over the kids and it's a recipe for me to never speak to anyone about anything... But that's not what happens, obviously. I keep digging. Digging along singing a song, the song may change but the digging ain't WRONG!
Or so I tell myself this.
Currently I'm dating another divorcee. And one that's NOT my 'SOP', either. Then again, that's probably the reason why it's working, and pleasantly at that. Not younger than me, and has children. Those were my 'filters' in my search criteria which wasn't yielding any results that I was seeking out.
I changed that, and KA-BOOM. There she was. No names yet, as not everyone in my circle has been introduced and I'm not completely ready to announce something this important to me. Please rest assured is pacing toward something awesome. So far, so good as far as the outlook too.
Last night was a test for me... ugh. And why I don't think I can be successful at this relationship ISH. A grip of background information. I text what I thought was a seemingly simple question of, whatcha up to?
Well... the typical response time for us within minutes (up to 30) unless of course we're at work or actively engaged in an activity. Prior to asking to be exclusive, I would motor about my time, not caring when or how she replied.
The cynic in me started talking to myself by saying, "You know why she's not replying, right? She's off with another guy. And your unread text sits on her phone in her purse."
I bat it away, "No. She's busy person, just like me. How many times have I not replied for HOURS - it's only because I'm actively engaged with some activity. Chill, Carlito."
"Oh, yeah, she's active alright!"
"BOO. Why are saying this evil and dumb $H!T? Why? Because I'm damaged goods filled with mistrust, and hurt. What the hell does this lady see in me anyways?"
Carlito says, "Exactly, bro. You are barreling off to failure, hurt feelings and another broken heart, thus breaking your promise."
I had to stop thinking, and do something to take my mind off plus not leave me alone with my crazy ass thoughts: karaoke, it is! At this point, if you're still reading this, you would say why didn't you call a friend?
I didn't because I need to settle this. By myself, for myself. Took a deep breath, said WOOSAW, and bounced. She eventually texted and even called later in the night.
All's well that ends well, right? Wrong. The cynic in me predicts that possessive nature, and 'crazy' will ultimately ruin this beautiful thing we've started.
You know what I rebuttal with? [Wait for it] Keep digging, 'los, you two will be just fine.
This has been my C Note to myself that I decided to share with... the world.
'los; out
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