C Note(s)

Mood: Cheerful Listening to: Buckcherry - Black Butterfly Reading: Photoshop User [December issue] Watching: One Tree Hill Playing: Tabula Rasa Eating: Old country breakfast Drinking: Kona Javalicious Java So I sit at this computer, and think on the year it’s has been. As always I looked at my journal entries around this same time last year to gauge what I was thinking. I laugh to myself for the simple fact it’s vastly different today than it was yesteryear. It’s been a banner year [dripping with sarcasm] for me!! Started January on the decline of my marriage, on into it’s disintegration in March. April was a month of scaling back and recovery. In May I treated myself to a trip to Sin City. At the end of June I again traveled to Phoenix to be with people that cared about me. In July I tattooed myself with my mantra: Keep Digging. I used it to buoy myself in times of deep depression. Then it became a chant and a running joke with my social network. For the entire month of August...

Mood: Cheerful Listening to: my iPod [on all song shuffle] Reading: Photoshop User [October issue] Drinking: Tully's javalicious java Once again I find myself in unchartered territory... I'm in a holding pattern at the house because my sister's lease isn't done until November, leaving the earliest move out date is 12/1. That'll give me time to pack up a few items from the house to drag over to a new apartment w/ my lil' sis in which I also work w/. I wonder w/ all that time spent together will it strengthen or weaken our relationship? Speaking of relationships, I have no new prospects on the boards. I gave an online dating site (plentyoffish.com) an honest try but the girls/women are so fickle that I've decided to abandon it but leave the pro there. You never know... a watched fishpole doesn't catch fish [I'm just making shit up at this point] I'd love to just have that "1st date" beyond the "ex". Ya know? If only to get ...

Mood: Outraged Listening to: my iPod [on all song shuffle] Reading: PSA Journal [October issue] Eating: Corndogs and corn Drinking: Edelwiess I'm so fucking pissed off!! Jesus christ I hate the game. I know, I KNOW... "Don't hate the playa, hate the game." Aiight, done and done. On Friday, an old skillet of mine holla'd at me. Granted I had nothing else to rock up, but I knew the ONLY reason why he did. You see, my best friend (g-MONEY) volunteered to babysit his g/f's little girl so his g/f and John's g/f can attend an Air Supply concert. [And no, don't get me started about?!] That left John open. It was great, really. Ate steaks, got tore up from the floor up on beer, smoked like chimneys, and watched movies I hadn't seen. Then Saturday I planned on setting up my wireless router so I can rock up the internet in my bedroom instead of the Dale Earnhardt Suite which I feel so dirty when I'm posted up there w/ my iPod blazing 'cause she...

Mood: Exhilarated Listening to: No Strings Attached Reading: Learn Tagalog Eating: Beef stroganoff Drinking: Edelwiess In my many months leading up to my official divorce, I've done research on the subject. Thankfully 50% of Americans are divorce so there is NO shortage of material to study up on. However, it's interesting to navigate through the bullshit and the truth. [Isn't that just life in general? LOL] At any rate, I've learned that people buy themselves a "divorce" and/or "break up" gift. Something significant that while in the relationship didn't purchase for a multitude of justifications (too much money, not practical, etc) Now that the person is free and single as a one-dollar bill those same justifications fold like a lawn chair. What about me, you ask? I've always wanted a notebook. Last week I earned a bonus at work, in addition I learned my divorce was finalized. Well... fuck yeah! My company has a secondary business that ...

Mood: Grumpy Listening to: What It Takes by Aerosmith Reading: PSA Journal Eating: Nothing Drinking: Swill (trying to be coffee) "In life EXPECT failure... just don't ACCEPT it!" ~ anonymous quote I really wish I could take that to heart. The weekend was so disappointing it literally broke my crayons for today. I returned to the cover of my Eeyore cloud. I'm gonna be there awhile to sulk. I'll read my books, write my stories, and not come out! BTW - dating and the games that women [and girls; yes there's a difference] play are bunk.

Mood: Yearning Listening to: Gone by Switchfoot Reading: Askmen.com The Guy's Guide to Romance Watching: Weeds Season 3 Eating: Bagel and cream cheese Drinking: Java I was told days after D-day that one day I would wake up and all will be right in my world. That I wouldn’t necessarily be happy, or w/ someone that makes me happy… And that ‘the day’ will come sooner or later. I woke up today (yesterday really). I had my dentist appointment in the morning then work; very innocuous. But ya know what? TODAY is ‘the day’ that all is right in my world. I feel great, I look great (was told this), I smell great (again). Now that the day arrived, I'm ready, steady and can GO!!

Mood: Peaceful Listening to: Break The Ice Reading: Askmen.com The Guy's Guide to Romance Watching: Weeds Season 3 Playing: Madden '09 Eating: Sweet and Sour Drinking: Java Here's my adventure in the Philippines... I spent the week recovering and re-inserted myself into the Matrix. LOL! September 5th 2008 “So Long Seattle” It’s 10p on Friday (do you know where your children are at?) and I’m at SeaTac with my uncle to fly off to our grand adventure in the Philippines for my Dad’s wedding. Check-in was smooth (my bag was 1kg over the max but he let it slide) and security was silk. We’ve been killing time by walking around, playing dice games and eating at Qdoba which was serving breakfast burrito at midnight. Go figure. Thankfully I’m escaping from the drama on my life at least for a lil’ while. Hopefully I’ll have a great time to recharge my soul and ready myself for a long winter in Seattle. September 7th 2008 “Hello Kitty” A 12 hour flight that crossed the internat...

Mood: Shame Listening to: Newly loaded songs on my iPod Reading: Generation Kill Watching: Weeds Season 3 Eating: Taco Bell eats Drinking: Mountain Dew Only days away from my trip to the Philippines. I leave on Friday. Thankfully I have the entire Labor Day weekend to make my final arrangements. I feel shameful since I had to move back into a house that I own w/ my ex-wife[yes, finally she delivered the coup de grace]. I was only able to secure a month pass w/ a friend of mine. I truly hope that the 2.5 months of non-daily interaction w/ her will have prepared me for the 1.5 months before we sell the house. I just wish I didn't have to be here. I'll do my utmost to be out and about until bedtime each day. I'm sure that'll prove to be difficult. But I have several ideas on how to handle that. RE: My promotion. I applied for a promotion at work, and received it! HOT damn, huh? I thought so. Many people in the company approve of the decision by management too. Odd. ...

Mood: Pity Listening to: iPod Reading: PostSecrets Eating: Doritos and salsa Drinking: Javalicious Java "The Memory Will Never Die" by Default I whisper in your ear The words you want to hear You feel the wind and it reminds you It happens everytime You stop and close your eyes You can't deny what lives inside you Well I know it's hard to see What is meant to be When yesterday is so far behind you Deep inside your soul knows I'm always there You made me believe the day you surrender to me The memory will never die The love that you gave I'll never throw it away The memory will never die The tides take a turn Another lesson learned I'm right here but still you wonder Would you say that you need more And it's not what it was before It was before your on your own and going under Deep inside your soul knows I'm always there You made me believe the day you surrender to me The memory will never die The love that you gave I'll never throw it awa...

Mood: Uneasy Listening to: iPod Reading: PostSecrets Watching: Mr & Mrs Smith Eating: Steak Drinking: Javalicious Java "Driving away from the wreck of the day / And the light's always red in the rear-view / Desperately close to a coffin of hope / I'd cheat destiny just to be near you / Driving away from the wreck of the day / And it's finally quiet in my head / Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed / And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up / If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up / On love, On love" ... so last night was the first night I didn't cry myself to sleep. Yet, I'm four-wheeling badly which tells me I've gone so long w/o good sleep that it'll be hell trying to rest this old man's bones sufficiently. I really felt welcomed into the Briggs crib. AMAZING PEOPLE!! Still my bravado is only veneer thick. To the trained eye, it crumbles fast.

Mood: Rant Listening to: iPod Reading: Into The Wild (Yes, still!) Watching: The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters Eating: leftover Chinese food Drinking: Water ...

Mood: Rant Listening to: 8 Mile soundtrack Reading: Into The Wild Watching: The clock Drinking: Vanilla latte "8 Mile" by [Eminem] Sometimes I just feel like, quittin I still might Why do I put up this fight, why do I still write Sometimes it's hard enough just dealin with real life Sometimes I wanna jump on stage and just kill mics And show these people what my level of skill's like But I'm still white, sometimes I just hate life Somethin ain't right, hit the brake lights Case of the stage fright, drawin a blank like Da-duh-duh-da-da, it ain't my fault Great then I falls, my insides crawl and I clam up (wham) I just slam shut I just can't do it, my whole manhood's just been stripped, I have just been vicked So I must then get off the bus then split Man fuck this shit yo, I'm goin the fuck home World on my shoulders as I run back to this 8 Mile Road [Chorus] I'm a man, I'ma make a new plan Time for me ...