Ah, yes. Today is the time-honored, Hallmark holiday of Valentine's Day.
St. Valentine's Day began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. Several martyrdom stories were invented for the various Valentines that belonged to February 14, and added to later martyrologies.[2] A popular hagiographical account of Saint Valentine of Rome states that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment, he healed the daughter of his jailer, Asterius. An embellishment to this story states that before his execution he wrote her a letter signed "Your Valentine" as a farewell.[3]
That's according to Wikipedia. If I was more vested in it, I'd do more due diligence on fact gathering but frankly... don't care to.
I've often thought how silly this "holiday" is. If you truly loved someone, you don't need a day to illustrate it or display with gifts. If it's actually love, you express it daily and your "gifts" are everything and anything you do / for your betrothed. [Can I please get an 'Amen' from those of you in committed relationships of any kind?]
I'm happily single and ready to mingle. I wouldn't state that I'm content with the situation, but I'm not desperate either! This morning I contemplated to canceling prematurely my eHarmony account that will expire at the end of the month.
What better way to drop a one-fingered salute to dating than on the morning of Valentine's Day? Rather poetic, I thought. And then? I didn't.
Why, you ask?
I'll tell you why [I can already feel the eye rolls being performed right now, of course I was gonna tell ya!]
Hope.
That's right, I was and still am holding out hope.
I've come to realize that one of the keystones to my mantra of 'keep digging' is actually hope. Hope for a better day, better result, better tomorrow because that's what I'm asking myself to keep going. Well, killing an account thus closing the chapter of my life before it was 'time' is not very keep digging-esque, now is it?
Even beyond February and moving onto the Ides of March, I still hope that someone is out there for me. Admittedly I won't be jumping into another online dating service anytime soon. It's not because it's doesn't 'work'. They just don't work for me. I've met some great women via online dating websites! They are, they weren't just great enough. They lacked that je ne sais quoi.
That spark I'm looking for.
That chemistry I need.
Basically I'm trying to catch lightning in a bottle.
Those websites are not so great for gregarious personalities such as myself. I've been discussing the various situations and women I've encountered with my 'bros'. One through-line became abundantly clear to me - these websites are all designed to drawn out the recluse, the hermit.
I heard countless times on dates, how youthful I am, or energetic or how busy I am. It dawned on me, that none of the women I dated could reciprocate this energy level. Not now, not later, not ever.
You see, I'm a fixer. I'm a planner, then I execute. In order for me to do that, I need to identify an issue, a challenge, a weakness, a problem, etc. Once isolated, then I could devise a plan to 'fix it'. Naturally for years, I thought it was me. It's an easy conclusion to draw. If everyone around you in your lil' world has someone special, and you don't, then what's wrong with you?
Those are actually good qualities for me to have. It's part of the Bayne charm! I don't talk too much, I have a ton to share. And it's not just random shit that spews forth. I'm conscientious about the relevancy of the information, my audience, and how much time to share, and the level of participation my audience wants.
For example, the elevator ride. You exchange basic pleasantries, or if you know the passenger you pick up on the last conversation you had with them but only continue it for 60-120 seconds. That's not the forum to share your views on the "Chaos Theory".
Time and place for that, man.
So I thought - it must a physical thing. I'm just not handsome enough, tall enough, muscular enough, I was not enough.
Um, no again. I would present the empirical evidence why I know differently, but suffice it to say... I'm good in that department as well.
Ah, hell. If it's not me, then it's "them", right? The dreaded "Seattle Freeze", right?
Nope.
If it's not "them" and it's not me, then what the hell is the problem? I had to laugh at myself for not realizing this before. There is no problem.
Lemme get this straight, there is no problem yet I'm still single? Yes, sir / ma'am. It's a moving target, and riddled with variables that even I can't account for.
Where is the love, 'los?
It's located at the right place, at the right time, for the right people. The only variable I can account for is me. I must be open to the experience, be ready to recognize that moment or moments of opportunity when they happen.
That's it. The rest of that equation? I can't control that, therefore I won't fret over it. It's a perfect explanation to this adage... "Those that want you, you don't want. And those that you want, don't want you."
Awesome. So awesome.
Yep, you have crushes, someones crushing on you. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
That's why it makes it all the more special when you do have that 'special someone'. It's why I realized I couldn't find the love online...
When I approach a girl / woman that I find attractive, I can already feel my heart rate increase, the adrenaline coursing through my veins, my pheromones being projected, breathing is quickened, and frankly the totality of being amp'd.
My mind is focused on her, as well as my smile, my laughter, and my eyes. And she knows it too. She feels it. That my friend is the rainbow connection I'm looking for. That spontaneity of it.
That spark.
That lightning in the bottle.
Then she drops the boyfriend / fiancé / husband bomb, and while it doesn't deter me from my flirtation, it certainly changes the course of my actions. I'm no longer vested. There's no point for me.
Wherever that love is for me, I'm confident it's out there. Even if I continue the rest of my life, never finding that special someone or not successfully manifesting her, then I can take solace in the fact that I never gave hope.
Like St Valentine.
Or my tattoo that simply states, Keep Digging.
My step mom said it best on her Facebook post, "Valentines Day is not just for lovers but for all who have love, being loved and in love."
Well... I have love. I have the love of my family and friends. I definitely know I'm being loved by those close to me. And as far as in love? Technically, I'm in love. I'm inside of love. I do most of what I do because of love. My actions are born out of love.
For those of you who celebrate Valentine's Day, I sincerely hope it's not one day you express your love!
For those of you who scoff Valentine's Day, my hope for you is that you do find something or someone to adore, to dote on, to love. Even if it's yourself - how can you possibly love someone else, when you can't look yourself in the mirror and say the words, "I love the person I'm looking at"?
It's a tough sell for me, if you can't.
So, that being said, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
This has been your lengthy C Note.
'los; out
St. Valentine's Day began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. Several martyrdom stories were invented for the various Valentines that belonged to February 14, and added to later martyrologies.[2] A popular hagiographical account of Saint Valentine of Rome states that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment, he healed the daughter of his jailer, Asterius. An embellishment to this story states that before his execution he wrote her a letter signed "Your Valentine" as a farewell.[3]
That's according to Wikipedia. If I was more vested in it, I'd do more due diligence on fact gathering but frankly... don't care to.
I've often thought how silly this "holiday" is. If you truly loved someone, you don't need a day to illustrate it or display with gifts. If it's actually love, you express it daily and your "gifts" are everything and anything you do / for your betrothed. [Can I please get an 'Amen' from those of you in committed relationships of any kind?]
I'm happily single and ready to mingle. I wouldn't state that I'm content with the situation, but I'm not desperate either! This morning I contemplated to canceling prematurely my eHarmony account that will expire at the end of the month.
What better way to drop a one-fingered salute to dating than on the morning of Valentine's Day? Rather poetic, I thought. And then? I didn't.
Why, you ask?
I'll tell you why [I can already feel the eye rolls being performed right now, of course I was gonna tell ya!]
Hope.
That's right, I was and still am holding out hope.
I've come to realize that one of the keystones to my mantra of 'keep digging' is actually hope. Hope for a better day, better result, better tomorrow because that's what I'm asking myself to keep going. Well, killing an account thus closing the chapter of my life before it was 'time' is not very keep digging-esque, now is it?
Even beyond February and moving onto the Ides of March, I still hope that someone is out there for me. Admittedly I won't be jumping into another online dating service anytime soon. It's not because it's doesn't 'work'. They just don't work for me. I've met some great women via online dating websites! They are, they weren't just great enough. They lacked that je ne sais quoi.
That spark I'm looking for.
That chemistry I need.
Basically I'm trying to catch lightning in a bottle.
Those websites are not so great for gregarious personalities such as myself. I've been discussing the various situations and women I've encountered with my 'bros'. One through-line became abundantly clear to me - these websites are all designed to drawn out the recluse, the hermit.
I heard countless times on dates, how youthful I am, or energetic or how busy I am. It dawned on me, that none of the women I dated could reciprocate this energy level. Not now, not later, not ever.
You see, I'm a fixer. I'm a planner, then I execute. In order for me to do that, I need to identify an issue, a challenge, a weakness, a problem, etc. Once isolated, then I could devise a plan to 'fix it'. Naturally for years, I thought it was me. It's an easy conclusion to draw. If everyone around you in your lil' world has someone special, and you don't, then what's wrong with you?
- I talk too much.
- I'm too busy.
- I have no filter.
- I can't commit.
Those are actually good qualities for me to have. It's part of the Bayne charm! I don't talk too much, I have a ton to share. And it's not just random shit that spews forth. I'm conscientious about the relevancy of the information, my audience, and how much time to share, and the level of participation my audience wants.
For example, the elevator ride. You exchange basic pleasantries, or if you know the passenger you pick up on the last conversation you had with them but only continue it for 60-120 seconds. That's not the forum to share your views on the "Chaos Theory".
Time and place for that, man.
So I thought - it must a physical thing. I'm just not handsome enough, tall enough, muscular enough, I was not enough.
Um, no again. I would present the empirical evidence why I know differently, but suffice it to say... I'm good in that department as well.
Ah, hell. If it's not me, then it's "them", right? The dreaded "Seattle Freeze", right?
Nope.
If it's not "them" and it's not me, then what the hell is the problem? I had to laugh at myself for not realizing this before. There is no problem.
Lemme get this straight, there is no problem yet I'm still single? Yes, sir / ma'am. It's a moving target, and riddled with variables that even I can't account for.
Where is the love, 'los?
It's located at the right place, at the right time, for the right people. The only variable I can account for is me. I must be open to the experience, be ready to recognize that moment or moments of opportunity when they happen.
That's it. The rest of that equation? I can't control that, therefore I won't fret over it. It's a perfect explanation to this adage... "Those that want you, you don't want. And those that you want, don't want you."
Awesome. So awesome.
Yep, you have crushes, someones crushing on you. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
That's why it makes it all the more special when you do have that 'special someone'. It's why I realized I couldn't find the love online...
When I approach a girl / woman that I find attractive, I can already feel my heart rate increase, the adrenaline coursing through my veins, my pheromones being projected, breathing is quickened, and frankly the totality of being amp'd.
My mind is focused on her, as well as my smile, my laughter, and my eyes. And she knows it too. She feels it. That my friend is the rainbow connection I'm looking for. That spontaneity of it.
That spark.
That lightning in the bottle.
Then she drops the boyfriend / fiancé / husband bomb, and while it doesn't deter me from my flirtation, it certainly changes the course of my actions. I'm no longer vested. There's no point for me.
Wherever that love is for me, I'm confident it's out there. Even if I continue the rest of my life, never finding that special someone or not successfully manifesting her, then I can take solace in the fact that I never gave hope.
Like St Valentine.
Or my tattoo that simply states, Keep Digging.
My step mom said it best on her Facebook post, "Valentines Day is not just for lovers but for all who have love, being loved and in love."
Well... I have love. I have the love of my family and friends. I definitely know I'm being loved by those close to me. And as far as in love? Technically, I'm in love. I'm inside of love. I do most of what I do because of love. My actions are born out of love.
For those of you who celebrate Valentine's Day, I sincerely hope it's not one day you express your love!
For those of you who scoff Valentine's Day, my hope for you is that you do find something or someone to adore, to dote on, to love. Even if it's yourself - how can you possibly love someone else, when you can't look yourself in the mirror and say the words, "I love the person I'm looking at"?
It's a tough sell for me, if you can't.
So, that being said, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
This has been your lengthy C Note.
'los; out
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